Navigating the holiday gauntlet

By Kevin Kane

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It’s not flashy, it’s not exciting, but if anyone ever makes a list of the greatest ideas in the history of American culture, early family holidays must be among the best.

My extended family is doing this on Sunday. We’re getting together for Thanksgiving a few days early, so when it’s time for the real thing next Thursday, we’re not driving 110 up and down I-65 trying to be everywhere at once.

For the early years of my life, I enjoyed Thanksgivings, Christmases and Easters that were calm and relaxing. I only had to be in one place all day, and it was gloriously simple.

Then, over four years ago, my girlfriend and I got together, and things changed completely. The holidays are still enjoyable and are even more interesting, but unlike my extended family, her family (both sides) does not employ the early-celebration technique.

So when the Holiday Season begins on next week’s Turkey Day, I’ll be stretched pretty thin, traveling like John McCain on election eve. I’ll be heading to a first lunch in Franklin, a second in Greenwood, then a third with my immediate family all before one o’clock. While my car empties its gas tank, I’ll be filling my stomach past its capacity during this onslaught of turkey, potatoes and brown gravy. I’ll be attempting the difficult task of Thanksgiving pacing, eating enough to be a full participant in the meal without achieving a full stomach, though with three meals in three hours, I’m not sure that’s possible. Still, on a day where everything tastes great, I have to remind myself that I’m in it for the long haul, and my motto for the day must be “reach the finish line” and not “please pass the pie”.

It’s nice seeing everyone and celebrating on the actual holiday, but it’s easier to enjoy get-togethers when I’m not constantly watching the clock and fighting back regurgitation. By high noon on Thanksgiving, I feel less like Kevin Kane and more like Kobayashi in the last seconds of the Nathan’s Hot Dog-Eating Contest, hurriedly stuffing my face long after my stomach’s lit the “No Vacancy” sign.
Gastrointestinal discomfort and socializing often don’t go together, and I’m not tough enough to be the exception.

I’ll admit the rushed version of Thanksgiving is more exciting and interesting, seeing so many people in such a short time span, but the combination of hectic traveling and non-stop gorging grounds me for the rest of the day. Exhausted and with enough food in me to last the winter, hibernation gets some serious consideration. Maybe I won’t sleep until spring, but a month-long rest isn’t a bad idea, waking up in time to do the whole thing over again – Christmas style.

It’s always more fun celebrating with friends and family on the actual holiday, as those days bring out unique feelings and emotions that can’t be faked or duplicated. But the holiday gauntlet isn’t easy. It tests your stamina, stomach and, at times, your ability to weave through traffic.

An early celebration with the extended family wipes these problems away cleaner than a dog-licked plate, but it comes at a cost. By celebrating a week, or even days early, the holiday feeling is sacrificed, so many families decide the convenience these beat-the-rush get-togethers provide is not an equal tradeoff. The logic behind early holidays can’t overcome the sentiment of the real thing; therefore most families choose to wait until the fourth November Thursday and December 25 to do their partying.

Even if one side of your family celebrates early during the holidays, odds are you’ll still be subject to the holiday gauntlet with the rest of your family and/or in-laws. It’ll be both fun and challenging. So to all who’ll find themselves in this situation next week, have a happy Thanksgiving, and Godspeed.

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