Top 10 ways to avoid having Thanksgiving at your house this year
10. “Fred can’t stand football, so we had all of our televisions taken away,”
9. “I can prepare dinner just fine. The doctors say I just have to wear rubber gloves and avoid coughing on anyone.”
8. “I’m cleaning up for the dinner right now. It’s just hard to get that dead body smell out of the carpet.”
7. “We’ll set up the kids’ table on the porch. They’ll want to play in the snow anyways, and the local stray dogs will clean up after them.”
6. “We’ll be glad to have everyone to the house for Thanksgiving. Need directions? You got a good Jeep or will you be hiking?”
5. “We’re tired of turkey. This year I’m making pimento loaf SHAPED like a turkey.”
4. “Johnny Junior is going to show us what he learned in band this year. He plays the Sousaphone.”
3. “Hope you like cats. We’ll send some home with you.”
2. “There’s lots of room in the house now. They repoed our TV and couch last week.”
1. “We save time by hunting our own turkey. You don’t have to stuff ‘em ‘cause they’re not empty.”
