Chester’s Corner
Keeping in touch with an Irish dummy
I visited an on-line genealogical site and discovered that I have a distant Irish cousin named Sean-Chester O’Malley. I contacted him. Here is his reply.
Dear Cousin,
I’d always heard that there was an American “branch” to our family. This internet thing is a great way to keep in touch with your “roots” which is especially important to people like us. Do they call you “wooden head” over there? We Irish dummies get little respect. People keep sayin’ that we’re leprechauns, which they ought to know are mythical creatures.
My Uncle Seamus once got held up by thugs demandin’ to see his pot of gold!
But he told them a flock of bad jokes so they threw him out. I asked him how he thought of those jokes. He said he got them from sermons by Methodist ministers.
I visited America once; I went to New York City. Since I was short and Irish people kept tryin’ to take me to pubs and buyin’ me cigars. I told them it was an insultin’ stereotype. We don’t all smoke and drink. And I’ve never been in a fist fight in my life.
I hear that you live with a minister and the two of you entertain people with stories. My partner (Dan) runs a shoe store but we entertain fellows down at the Hibernian Club. Somehow they think HE is the brains of the operation; if they only knew!
What’s this you say about the minister’s wife bein’ a terror? Remember, you may be short but you’re quick. Also, smooth talk her and come across as a friend. If somethin’ goes wrong, blame the parson.
Getting back to leprechauns, there is an infernal breakfast cereal you yanks sell.
It features an Irish lad named “Lucky” who really does have a pot of gold. I’ve tasted the stuff and it is very sweet but the whole idea perpetuates misunderstandin’s.
By the way, if you ever want to buy real estate, consider doing it here. Ireland is a great place to be “Dublin” you’re money!
Keep in touch.
Your Cousin, Sean-Chester
Chester’s Chuckle:
Q” What do you call an Irish swindler with bad skin?
A: A Leper-Con!
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