Top ten reindeer complaints
by Torry Stiles
10. Elves have cold hands.
9. Moose keep trying to bust in and steal our gig.
8. We hardly ever have to worry about TV antennas or satellite dishes any more but it’s still tricky landing that sled on an icy roof at night.
7. New FAA regulations made urban areas a “drop-free zone” which can be very uncomfortable for a reindeer on a high-fiber diet.
6. Dancer likes wearing his tap shoes which inspired that whole ” arose such a clatter” line in the poem.
5. Man! Those jingle bells really get annoying after a couple of hours. … And the ol’ man tends to get a tad whip-happy about halfway through the night.
4. Donner has a habit of skipping the pre-flight shower.
3. Santa ain’t no lightweight, ya know.
2. Ever since 9/11 Elf Security been very diligent in their pre-flight weapons searches. … Very diligent. … Very very diligent.
1. Found out Santa’s “magic corn” was loaded with enough steroids to turn Blitzen into a Belinda.
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