Torry’s Top Ten
Top ten ways to get out of jury duty
by Torry Stiles
10. Loudly proclaim, “He looks guilty!” each time the bailiff walks in the room.
9. Fill out the juror survey form with crayons. Draw a smiley face on top.
8. Begin every statement with the phrase, “Am I under oath now?”
7. Smuggle in your own meals… preferably something that still needs to be slaughtered.
6. Ask if you can waterboard the witnesses.
5. Ask the clerk to hurry as you have to go see your parole officer.
4. Take a few moments for silent prayer. That always scares the clerks, especially if you bring incense and a temple bell.
3. The clothes make the man: shirtless, short pants, black hood and a large axe.
2. Demand overtime pay, weekends off and a generous dental plan.
1. Just sit there quietly in your seat naked as the day you were born.
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