Top ten recent reminders that I’m not as young as I used to be
by Torry Stiles
10. “Life in the fast lane” refers to my use of the “10 items or less” line at the grocery store.
9. I’ve become rather snooty about my over-the-counter painkillers. The ’07
Ibuprofen was the best vintage ever.
8. I know the theme songs to shows that aren’t even being re-run on cable.
7. Funeral directors are sending me birthday cards.
6. Loose boxer shorts and the diabetic socks are a fashion requirement.
5. The dog has learned to take it easy on me when playing fetch. He walks about 10 feet away because he knows that’s as far as I can throw the ball.
4. Every morning feels like the “morning after” but I haven’t the energy for a “night before.”
3. The AARP people won’t stop calling.
2. The Democrats are asking me to leave them my voting rights in my will. … And I don’t even live near Chicago.
1. What doesn’t hurt today hurt yesterday.
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