10. Saving money by cooking all my meals on the asphalt road in front of my house.
9. Offering my front yard for cheap Brickyard parking. Sure, I’m on the wrong side of town but think about how you’ll miss the race traffic.
8. Setting up a sweet corn stand. “Fresh picked. Fresh cooked”
7. “I’m not watering my lawn, officer. This is a battle to the death with a swarm of invisible fire ants.”
6. Turning my non-air-conditioned truck into a convertible. Could someone loan me an air chisel?
5. Settling down into Margaritaville and not coming back until October.
4. Covering all my bases by going to church on Sunday, temple on Saturday and sacrificing the occasional goat.
3. Freezing my BVD’s and packing ice in my pockets.
2. Organizing daily neighborhood water balloon fights.
1. Starting my own lawn painting business. We offer three colors; Fescue Green, Kentucky Blue and (for you folks still living in the ‘70’s) Acapulco Gold.
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