Rum, Rum, Rum
“Aw, pleeeese, just one?” we’d
beg in unison.
“You kids stay out of the
Christmas cookie tins till
Christmas Eve,” Mom would
chide, “or else Santa won’t
come,” the annual holiday admonition
that falls upon deaf
ears.
I remember the infinite variety
of colorful holiday cookies
prepared my Mom and her
sisters in preparation of the joyous
Holidays. Aunt Anna Faye
excelled with her chocolate chip
cookies, Mom, her fudge, and
Aunt Bernie traditionally made
Rum or Bourbon Balls, which,
in particular, was an anomaly
considering our teetotaler
Christian fundamentalist family
was taught if liquor touched thy
lips, ye went straight to a blazing
Hell riding the razor blade
o’ eternal damnation. Odd considering
Bourbon whiskey was
invented in the late eighteenth
century by Baptist minister Elijah
Craig from Scott County,
Kentucky.
Aunt Bernie’s ‘Demon’ Rum
Balls were secreted in the cupboards
high above the humming
refrigerator. Well, we all
have learned when you forbid a
youngster to do a certain something;
it instantly makes them
desire it that much more. So,
cousins and siblings teamed up,
clandestinely scaled the countertops,
found the tin of Rum
Balls sequestered behind the
cans of jellied cranberries, grinning
at each other in satisfaction,
we eagerly quenched our
youthful curiosity by sampling
three or four and proceeded to
cop our first buzz; pleasantly
blotto. I’ll forever remember
the explosive mouth-burn of
my first contact to alcohol, then
feeling the liquor glide warmly
down my esophagus into my
belly. Whoa! I now understand
why everyone took naps after
their giggle-filled baking event
that always ended up with the
sisters robustly harmonizing
upbeat, classic holiday carols.
When cooking with liquor,
remember the phrase, “Too
many cooks spoil the broth?”
Well, too much broth can spoil
the cook, if you smell what I’m
cooking; a little in the cookies, a
snort for you.
Know what I’d like for Christmas?
For everyone to keep
their money, pay their bills, sit
down together to enjoy a modest,
wholesome meal and enjoy
being part of a family. I want
people to refuse manipulation
by emotionally tinged commercials
and midnight sales. I want
people to put aside greed and
status-seeking and the covetous
adoration of materialism.
Instead, I wish everyone would
give each other hugs and be
thankful for what they have.
Christmas, when the world
falls in love, is about giving, so
I’m sharing my recipe for Rum
Balls. This no bake dessert’s alcohol
content can be pretty raw
and strong. If you do not want
to use rum, use rum extract to
taste. I learned the hard way
one unfortunate Christmas not
to serve Rum Balls if you have
a recovering alcoholic in the
house. Lesson learned.
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