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‘That time of year’ makes me groan
Oh for heaven’s sake. It’s that time of year again.
It’s just a matter of time before some Christmas tree earring-wearing elf invites me to a holiday pitch-in dinner. A fate, by the way, that instantly makes me feel like a moron.
“Bring your favorite appetizer,” the kitchen-loving elf will say cheerfully.
OK, well that means I’ll dump some chips in a bowl and grab a tub of onion dip.
That’s not truly my favorite appetizer. But if my life depends on getting to the pitch-in with some kind of food item, I will definitely lie and say that I love chips and dip more than anything.
Why? Because it happens to be the only appetizer I know how to make.
Worse than the pitch-in dinner will be some kind of office party.
“Whip up a batch of your favorite cookies to share with everyone,” someone will smile, completely unaware that they’ve now sent me right into a full-blown anxiety attack.
The truth is that the only thing I’ll whip up will be a way to open the package of Oreos without crunching the first two rows.
By the way, speaking of cookies, I’ve never baked a batch of anything in my life that didn’t have to be scraped off the baking sheet with a putty knife.
Yesterday, someone who obviously doesn’t know me very well at all asked how I bake my Thanksgiving Day turkey.
What?
I order my bird. By the time he and I meet, he’s toasty warm, wrapped in plastic and snuggled deep in a box that fits him perfectly. I never even attempt to learn how to turn on my oven. Tom Turkey arrives, magically ready for serving.
“What’s your favorite holiday recipe?” someone asked the other day.
Good grief, I don’t have an answer this year.
I didn’t have an answer last year either.
I know nothing about kitchen equipment. I use my blender strictly for margaritas. I used a rolling pin once in my life — but it wasn’t for dough, it was to threaten one of my many ex-husbands. And I wouldn’t know a double boiler if someone smacked me in the face with one.
Yep, it’s that time of year again. Time to stock up. Maybe I’ll splurge a little bit and buy nachos and cheese this time for my favorite appetizer.
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