Torry’s top ten signs you won’t be doing what you had planned this weekend

By Torry Stiles

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10. Your tackle box has been emptied and refilled with Legos. 9. “Dear son. You’ve spent your last two paychecks on Red Bulls and fireworks. Your car’s out of gas and your cellphone bill is overdue. You were up until 3 a.m. We left at 8 a.m. We’ll be at the lake. There’s baloney in the refrigerator. Have a nice weekend.” 8. You finally find your helmet. It’s damp and smells like ... 7. You come home from the store with charcoal, bratwurst and beer only to find the plumber’s truck and your toilet in the driveway. 6. Your children have packed their sleeping bags, swim trunks, beach balls, red spots and a 102-degree fever. 5. “Hi, Sue. This is Mary Jones, your regional manager. The crew at the store called in sick and you’ll be working a double. You would think more folks would want to keep their jobs these days, eh?” 4. “Hi, Sue. Mary Jones again. I was late picking up the payroll, but I’ll have your check to you on Tuesday. Thanks, bye.” 3. “Yes, dear, I love the idea of camping out in the woods just as much as you love the idea of outfitting a tent with an air conditioner and hot shower.” 2. Your husband has replaced the Yard Sale ads from today’s paper with the ones from last week’s paper. 1. The note on the refrigerator reads,”The grass is a foot tall, and your car keys are in it somewhere.”

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