Top ten most forgettable Christmases

By Torry Stiles

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10. 1961 - I was seven months old and only wanted a bottle and fresh diaper. 9. 1997 - The bills for the new water heater, cell phone, mortgage, car payment and Christmas party groceries all hit at the same time. The wife receives IOUs. New Year’s Eve is extra-chilly that year. 8. 1968 - My 3-year-old brother gets a Big Wheel... I’m too big. Start laying plans for decades of psychotherapy. 7. 1977 - The Carter years. We’re all trying to forget them, aren’t we? 6. 1981 - Disco Fever strikes everyone BUT me... a few years too late and all at discount from Sears. 5. 1982 - Discover the platform shoes and polyester suit from the previous Christmas, still in the wrapper. Pass them on to a cousin I didn’t really like. I become a subject of conversation at every Christmas gathering for years. The therapy bills begin stacking up. 4. 1995 - The cute kitties discover the tree on Christmas Eve. They get so excited they forget all about the litter box. It was a bad year to buy leather jackets. 3. 1971 - The great Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots fiasco. I don’t want to discuss it. 2. 1985 - I give a cousin a case of expensive imported beer. The cousin is only 19. Non-drinker. The family adds that story to the disco gift discussion. 1. 2006 - My children are old enough to want cars for Christmas. I get them Big Wheels. They fail to see the heartfelt love invested. My children begin therapy.

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