Book Review: The Football Uncyclopedia

By Submission For The Southside Times

Duck. For a few weeks each year, your friends and family get good at that. It’s not that you’re a violent person. Really, it’s not that at all. [ad#single-post]The thing is, at some point, your team will do something boneheaded. A coach will make a bad decision. A ref will make a bad call and there you are, yelling and throwing peanuts or popcorn, foam bricks or crumpled paper at the TV. Nobody wants in the way, so they all DUCK. This football season, distract yourself from a frustrating game with “The Football Uncyclopedia”, a new book by Michael Kun and Adam Hoff. Keep it by your elbow, and you won’t throw anything at the TV. You’ll be too busy laughing. So the game’s in progress and you’re sitting there, smug. You know everything there is to know about football because you’ve been a fan since the womb. Nobody can tell you anything you haven’t already repeated twice. But let’s take, for instance, Tom Dempsey. Did Dempsey’s handicap help him break a record that has been equaled once but never surpassed? Argue amongst yourselves, then read what Kun and Hoff say. And you know that guy in the old soft drink commercial, the one with the little boy? Would you believe that guy’s name is not Mean Joe Greene? No, seriously. It’s in there, go look Okay, how ‘bout this: Kun and Hoff say the last player selected in the NFL draft is not a bad player. They also say that all football players are not bad actors. And Raiders fans are not like other fans. Ditto for the Packers. And why — with the humungous population it has — can’t Los Angeles keep a team? Do you snicker about the name of the Bears great linebacker? Check out the “F” entries to see if there’s a funnier name than his. Look at the “P” entries to see what your dad wants for Christmas. Oh, and don’t forget to read the footnotes. How else would you learn who almost made a Terminator movie or what Playboy magazine has in common with the game? If you’re not watching football in your favorite TV-viewing spot, chances are you’re catching it at your favorite watering hole. And if you’re not watching football this weekend, you should be reading this book. Browsing “The Football Uncyclopedia” is a little like spending pre-game at the bar with two fellow fans who love to argue football and talk trash. It’s like watching a cable-sports show with a couple of average wiseguys as co-hosts. It’s like football fact one-upmanship in book form. Authors Michael Kun and Adam Hoff good-naturedly rib one another and they poke fun at plenty of players. They lay some myths to rest and add fire to a few others. You’ll agree sometimes and sometimes not. but you’ll laugh for sure. If you’re not a football fan, you won’t like this book. Go find another one and leave this to the people who live for the game. “The Football Uncyclopedia” will quack them up.

The Football Uncyclopedia

by Michael Kun and Adam Hoff c.2008, Clerisy Press $15.95 / $17.50 Canada 256 pages

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The Bookworm is Terri Schlichenmeyer. Terri has been reading since she was 3 years old and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 11,000 books.

Lady Rebels swing past competition

By Submission For The Southside Times

Roncalli High School girls’ golf coach Bryan Hendricks and the 2008 Rebel girls’ golf team captured the championship in this year’s Marion County Golf Tournament. The Rebels put forth an outstanding team effort on their way to capturing the championship, as their margin of victory over the next closest team was 36 strokes. The following girls from the team brought home the title in this 16-team tournament: Erin Buckley, Jamie Caylor, Anna Gleixner, Julie Traina and Coleen Gaughan.

Southside Preps: A.J. Edds

By Eric Moore

Greenwood H.S. Graduate Iowa Hawkeyes #49 – Junior Outside Linebacker After a heart breaking loss to Pitt 21-20, the Iowa Hawkeyes will open the Big Ten season this Saturday against Northwestern. Leading the defense will be Greenwood High School grad, A.J. Edds. Coming off an outstanding 2007 season where A.J. was named All Big Ten Academic, he will again be a critical component of the Hawkeyes 08’ squad. Iowa’s 3-1 record has them off to a great start. The real test begins this week for A.J. and the Hawkeyes as the Big Ten campaign will get underway. If you have ESPN Classic, you can catch A.J. in action this Saturday at Noon.

Pigskin Preview for the week of 09.25.08

By Eric Moore

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Game of the Week

Roncalli (3-2) at Cathedral (3-2) Friday, September 26, 7 p.m. This week’s featured match up will be a parochial showdown, as Roncalli will travel to the north side to take on rival Cathedral. The Rebels improved their record to 3-2 last week with a win over Scecina. The Rebels will face the always tough Cathedral Irish, who also sport a 3-2 record so far this season. Although both squads are struggling this year in comparison to years past, this heated rivalry is always a great game. Whoever emerges victorious from this brawl will gain crucial confidence and momentum heading into the last few weeks of the season. Other Southside Match–ups for Friday 9/26 Lawrence North (2-3) at Center Grove (4-1) Southport (4-1) at Franklin Central (2-3) Heritage Christian (5-0) at Beech Grove (2-3) Scecina (3-2) at Greenwood (2-3) Tech (4-1) at Lutheran (3-2) Manual (1-4) at Chatard (4-1) Bloomington North (2-3) at Perry Meridian (0-5)

Tia Today: Sugar, dancing and forgiveness

By Tia Nielsen

Day 10 of the new habits for life is upon me. To my surprise, I can move with more ease and have much less back and ankle pain. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m dancin’ in the steets yet. That much coordination may take a while. (Do grandmothers dance in the streets?) Today is really only day three of the formal Totally Fit Life system. I began most of the program last week, but opted to begin the temporary “boot camp” eating for this week. (There were cookies in the freezer. I had to help get rid of them.) [ad#single-post]Apparently, many of us are insulin resistant, meaning we eat too many foods that are high on the glycemic index. Those types of foods heavily consist of highly refined starches, such as white bread, pastries, sugar (bye-bye, cookies!), white rice and even all natural, white potatoes. For the next ten days, all breads are out. (Should I make lettuce sandwiches? How do you make lunch without bread?) Bottom line: This change helps boost metabolism — the thing that burns off pounds. I’m all for that. I am told — although verifying that is why we are sharing this journey together — that noticeable health and weight loss results occur after each ten week cycle, if you simply do the system. Rather like getting directions for driving to Denver: you follow the route laid out and you arrive within the prescribed time. This week we also migrated from just walking 40 minutes a day to more active movements during class. The coach adjusts activities for those of us who are still less flexible. My fear is quickly being replaced with a sense of fun. However, one wonders if a bit of repressed aggression lurks for our agile and enthusiastic coach, Rich. Rather than run around playing soccer today, I was given the task of throwing in the soccer ball. Somehow, I hit the coach square on the back — close range. Really, it WAS an accident. And forgiveness is part of our spiritual journey. Right, Coach Rich? Umm, I’m so sorry. Honest.

Screening may detect postpartum depression

By Submission For The Southside Times

New research has found that three simple questions were just as good as conventional screening for identifying potential postpartum depression among new mothers. “Postpartum depression is under-diagnosed,” said Dr. Adam Aponte, a pediatrician and associate director for recruitment and retention at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. “We found the fewer the questions, the better. It opens the door for dialogue about how the mom is doing. The last thing you want is a depressed mom. It’s important to screen.” [ad#single-post]

Common Problem for New Moms

According to background information included in the study, postpartum depression is the most common problem new mothers confront. The condition is characterized by high levels of anxiety, but screening is not routinely performed due to time and other constraints. The researchers who performed the study run the Colorado Adolescent Maternity Program (CAMP) for young mothers and their children in Denver. The center, which has both pre-birth and post-birth services, provided a unique opportunity to follow up with new mothers. The lead author of the study, Dr. Catherine Stevens-Simon, founded CAMP and directed it from 1991 to 2006; she passed away in November 2007.

Depression Scales Utilized

For the study, 199 mothers ages 14 to 26 filled out the standard Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale at well-child visits during the first six months after the birth of their child. The women then filled out three shorter versions of that scale. A three-item anxiety sub-scale of the Edinburgh Postpartum Depression Scale turned out to be a better screening tool than the two other abbreviated versions, which are almost the same as the commonly used Patient Health Questionnaire. For this sub-scale, new mothers were asked to answer “Yes, most of the time,” “Yes, some of the time,” “Not very often” or “No, never” to the following statements: * I have blamed myself unnecessarily when things went wrong. * I have felt scared or panicky for not very good reason. * I have been anxious or worried for not very good reason.

Anxiety Contributes to Depression

“We chose these three questions, because other studies have suggested that postpartum depression has a large anxiety component, and those three questions are related specifically to anxiety,” said study co-author Jeanelle Sheeder, a senior instructor in pediatrics at the University of Colorado in Denver. “That subscale would probably be reasonable in other populations as well, because a lot of postpartum depression in general is related to that feeling of not knowing what to do and being scared or panicky.” The subscale identified 16 percent more mothers as depressed than the original, longer questionnaire. “The beauty of three questions is it helps us hone in on what the patient is going through, so we can investigate further,” Dr. Aponte said. Always consult your physician for more information.

Chefs are the doctors of the future

By Wendell Fowler

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, was right-on when in 400 BC he declared: “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” After my loyal 15-year-old yellow lab died, I deeply grieved and became emotionally intoxicated on an unfamiliar level. We spent nearly every day of her life together; even vacations centered on the beloved family member. Just recently, however, I discovered that I was being overly medicated by my family physician. Psychotherapeutic drugs, like antidepressants and sedatives, have nearly doubled from 671 deaths to 1,300. Adios to drugs that took me out of the game and hello to food as medicine. [ad#single-post]Americans have innocently entrusted their health to the family physician. Like healing a sucking chest wound with a bandage, drugs are their first line of defense. As we’ve learned, man-made drugs are not the answer, just a temporary fix. In high school, we read Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, which predicted that the final battle Americans will fight will occur between the pharmacopeia and ourselves. Current statistics support the fact that prescription drugs are 16,400 percent more deadly than terrorists. Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report researchers found that deaths from prescription drugs rose from 4.4 per 100,000 people in 1999 to 7.1 per 100,000 in 2004. Poisoning from prescription drugs has risen to become the second-largest cause of unintentional deaths in the United States, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Will someone please call Homeland Security? It’s quite confusing when doctors eagerly scribble your family members a prescription for a drug that is addictive or might destroy you. You’ve certainly observed the appalling TV commercials for drugs? Holy pill, Batman! My physician was numb to the long term effects of taking such medicine. Without my knowledge, I had lost my mojo; my skin was constantly in a rash, and my mind struggled to reach its potential. Ironically, upon graduation from medical school, future doctors are required to take the Hippocratic Oath; …to first, do no harm. After working in kitchens for 35 years and playing lots of sports, my knees are shot — bone-on-bone pain. I became cozy with mild pain killers. They temporarily did the job, but experts discourage their long term use. I don’t know about you, but they made me feel creepy, cranky and jumpy. Then I read about the anti-inflammatory virtues of the spice turmeric and fresh ginger. Gradually I introduced them to my family’s diet. Shortly thereafter, I was able to dose down off the caustic anti-inflammatory chemicals by employing God’s salubrious apothecary, the produce aisle. When we open our minds and mouths to eating more fresh spinach, for example, we discover it contains hundreds of natural medicines that help prevent eye diseases, nervous system disorders and much more. Broccoli, a cruciferous vegetable, prevents cancer, bitter beet greens cleanse the liver, cilantro removes heavy metals, fresh berries thwart heart disease and dark leafy greens help avert dozens of grim health conditions while revitalizing your immune system. Every earthly, colorful plant food is a source of universal healing energy and disease-fighting phytonutrients. Your Holy Temple reacts to food as sensitively as a synthetic drug. Where do you suppose drugs come from? Unprocessed, whole plant foods, were created to work most effectively. Remember, the whole is equal to the sum of its parts. Embrace nature’s generous apothecary.

Southside stores sell winning tickets

By Submission For The Southside Times

John Heck of Indianapolis always dreamed of finding the time and the money to race. The self-employed automotive repair shop owner loves to work on cars and now thanks to the Hoosier Lottery, will be able to race a few cars himself. “It’s time to go racing hard!” said Heck. [ad#single-post]Heck purchased his $500,000 winning Slots of Money Scratch-off ticket from Madhar Petroleum, Inc. at 7130 Southeastern Ave. in Indianapolis. “I held the ticket up to the window and had to ask the clerk, ‘Is this what I think it is?’” said Heck. It was, so he immediately came to Hoosier Lottery Headquarters to claim his prize. The Marion County resident plans to race and possibly purchase a new home. Roger Willard of Indianapolis matched all five numbers: 6, 7, 12, 19 and 26 on a Hoosier Lottery Lucky 5 ticket Saturday evening for a win of $50,000. “I almost had a heart attack!” said Willard. Willard purchased his winning Lucky 5 ticket from Buck’s IGA at 3015 South Meridian St. in Indianapolis. “Yeah, it’s a good place to buy tickets,” said Willard. “I didn’t believe it, so I took it back to the store.” Willard may eventually plan to buy something. “Right now, I’m just enjoying retirement,” said Willard.

Mayor Wright returns to McDonald’s

By Eric Moore

Locals lined up before 6 a.m on September 12 for the reopening of the newly renovated McDonalds at the corner of Raymond and Sherman. They were greeted by McDonalds co-owners Roy Stuckey and Jim Props, who gave the first 50 patrons a card for a free Big Mac every week for one year. Also greeting customers was Beech Grove mayor Joe Wright. For the mayor, this was sort of a homecoming. In 1976, as a high school student, Wright began working at this very location. “It was a great place to work for as a young kid just starting out,” Wright said. [ad#single-post]This McDonalds location was built in 1973 and over the past 35 years, many Beech Grove residents have come through the doors. But as times change, the question was whether this Mickey D’s should remain in what had become a stagnant part of town.
After considering many options and talking with the city, Stuckey and Props decided to stay where they were and renovate. Regarding their decision to stay, Wright said, “The northern edge of town is as important to me as the southern edge.” Mayor Wright added, “This McDonalds will serve as part of the northern gateway to Beech Grove.” The new look features a 50” flat-screen TV, a new and stylish décor, as well as the McCafe, serving specialty coffees. Judging by the reaction Friday morning, this landmark of Beech Grove has a bright “McFuture.”

Readers’ Views: Enroll in Green Power

By Submission For The Southside Times

Editor, A couple of months ago, as participants in the Indianapolis Power & Light Company’s Green Power Option, we received a letter from the Program Manager with an update about the program. One paragraph reads, in part: [ad#single-post]“The Green Power purchases year-to-date by our customers represent over 45,000 metric tons of avoided CO2 emissions. This is equivalent to the avoided CO2 emissions from the electric usage of over 6,000 average American households for one year.” Near the beginning of the letter, it is noted that “Interest in renewable energy and our environment continues to grow, and this is reflected in the increased number of IPL customers enrolled in our program. We now have over 3,000 participants, an almost 60 percent increase during 2008!” The increase in the number of IPL customers buying electricity from renewable energy sources (currently wind and biomass) is indeed good news. But consider this: According to an IPL Web page (About IPL/History, within www.iplpower.com), “IPL now provides retail electric service to more than 470,000 residential, commercial and industrial customers in Indianapolis, as well as in portions of other Central Indiana communities surrounding Marion County.” So the current 3,000 or so Green Power Option participants represent less than 1 percent of all IPL’s customers. Even if you subtract the climate change disbelievers, and those who simply cannot afford another nickel added to their monthly bills, that’s got to leave more than 0.638 percent of IPL’s 470,000-plus customers, doesn’t it? The current premium charge is a little over 0.6 cents per kilowatt-hour, or $6.50 for a household whose meter showed its electricity usage for the month was 1000 kilowatt hours. That’s for enrollment at the 100 percent level, but you can also enroll at the 50, 25 or 10 percent level. If you would, if you could, call IPL customer service at 261-8222 or go to www.iplpower.com and sign up to help get us off this road leading further into a carbon-fueled future no one wants to live in. Please. Tom Probasco Indianapolis